Importance of knowing Adoption

“Every child has the right to know the truth about their origins”

Several studies have demonstrated the importance of knowing our origins to form our identity. Therefore, when an adopted child is hiding this condition, there is a tendency for this fact is often believing they are protected from pain (child and parent), can affect the mental health of form comprehensive , both emotionally , in the way we relate to others and feel part of this world, with every right to happiness.
Stepparent adoption
Photo Credit: dependableadoption

Some of the reasons why parents are afraid to speak of adoption are shame, lack of preparation, limitations in expressing their feelings, fear of being rejected by his son, or to grieve difficulties of infertility. Regardless of the reason for secrecy, when concealed adoption, most children feel that there is something wrong that they are not saying and can relate to them, affecting their personal safety. His curiosity was also inhibited by situations that do not fit; your suspicions are suppressed in order to protect their parents from that awkward situation involving complex.
Thus, several studies support the importance of the child reveal their origins and what condition are adopted , which ought to be a natural process, gradual and ideally an early start , so that parents can prepare for this from before the adoption is a significant advantage . Thus, promoting the situation and raise the issue with sincerity and naturalness, taking the connotation threatening and providing information according to the developmental stage of the child, you can avoid distortions that may impair your personality.
Most importantly, DVDs, parents accept and assume from the beginning a reality: they are an adoptive family for the child, and this, despite its good intentions and desires; they will not be able to change.
The child must be accepted by his adoptive family as it is, trying not putting own expectations for him, for nothing real about the reality of that child. Be realistic in this sense, because education you receive that child and the environment in which they grow, can only modify it, that for which your child is genetically predisposed, although it will mean something really important in the development of his personality.
Adoption is, for these children, part of what they are, they think of her, and hopelessly throughout his life. It will be crucial for both parties; VDs will help your child to express what they feel and think, and talk naturally about it. Communication, expression is always crucial to strengthen the link, and here is no exception.
Try to maintain an attitude of listening and understanding, so that the child is trusting them their emotions without fear, you will also be honest with him, so he will learn to be with you and the bonds of affection will strengthen.
Whatever the age of the adopted child , it should allow you to carry personal items from his past, known to him, he needs that nexus , the known starting point , to start your new path.
Adoptive parents must face issues far more complex than they have to overcome the biological parents.
Like any other biological parent, one day can be proud and the other “losers”, but more importantly, if VDs accept their own limitations and their children, “real parents” of their children will feel.

What right has the inexcusable adopted child?
You shall accept your right to know everything possible about adoption, and history of previous life.
To tell the exact circumstances of their adoption will help to allay their guilt fantasies (thinking: “I was wrong” or “should have any problem or cause for my parents to give me”) on the subject.
If they try to hide it, someday when I find (and be assured that it will happen), you will feel cheated and betrayed, and may be much more difficult to repair the damage that the circumstances that surround adoption, may be because, harmed the relationship.
It is important to answer your questions, but for yourselves may also have little information about it, but what they know, feel free to share.
Vds as parents should help you assimilate and accept that story, provided, of course, adapting the details to the child’s age and maturity.

- It is convenient to use the word “adoption” naturally and in a positive sense, that:
- The child gets used to hear and know
- And DVDs, to talk about it without disturbing.

- Try to use it when they feel physically and especially emotionally close to your child (at the time of the bath, to hold you in my arms) Find the right “emotional” moment, depending on the age of the child.

How the child’s adjustment to his new family develops?
An adopted child goes through different phases in the process of adaptation, but these will be the same in all cases, what varies is the duration of these (shorter the smaller the child) and the ease of adaptation (high also the smaller), depending on the child’s age.

These phases are usually:
- An initial phase of anxiety, which can be frequent crying, nervousness, poor sleep, and may even resent appetite. At this stage, the child shows anger and pain of abandonment.
To help assimilate all this, it should offer much physical contact (hugging and touching, displays of affection), make you feel safe and loved in that, you’re new home.

- An adjustment phase, to know each other. It will be testing the limits of what can and cannot do, what to expect and receive from others … There will also be long periods of crying and anxiety prevail on both sides.
Above all, do not forget, at any time, these behaviors are not personal against you, but due to their previous situation.
With gentle firmness, must be RIEF marking those boundaries, he badly needs, but apparently, he is contradicting.

Depending on the age at which the child is adopted, what aspects should be taken into account?

If it is a baby who does not yet speak, memories of their past experiences at the time of adoption have stuck in his sensitive body, in your world of sensations, and are now part of his personal history, at a very deep level.

When the child has already started in the language, there are memories in your memory.

Between 2 and 5 years, it is very convenient to go talking openly about adoption and the history of its adoption:
- Explain that he or she was born and then were adopted, as in the fantasy of some children may be the fact that having been adopted, they are not born.
- Describe how it was when I first saw it: appearance, traits, clothes, emotions they felt to see / to get him / her up to … the journey home.
- Highlighting the exceptional arrival home: how it was, who were waiting to receive them, how was your room, your stuff … Teach photos from that day. Do not confuse the child about the day he was adopted and it is his birthday, they have to maintain differentiated.

Based on all this, they will create their own identity and must be helped to do so.

Between 5 and 11 years, many experiences and memories that have left their mark on it. Much of the anger and pain felt by the / s loss / s and / s gap / s, shall be addressed to the adoptive parents.
The adoption of children this age, it does need the support of a professional psychologist during the early stages of adaptation.
In those early school years, they themselves feel different from their peers; though perhaps still do not quite understand why.
In this period, as school, the adopted child can hear feedback from their peers that can be painful. Hear what I tell them about it, and be honest with him.

Adopting a teenager is rare and does need professional support to the family and the boy / girl, the complexity can become the new situation added to the special stage of crisis involving teens. Its natural identity crisis will be deeper than a child adopted.
Adaptation by both parties will be very difficult. At this stage the attempt to create a new relationship with VDs and necessity, own adolescent separating leaving to become an independent individual will join.
Although Vds has demonstrated his love countless times, they continue questioning (for your condition) if they are worthy to be loved by you on
The process can be long and slow.

What feelings are often very present in the adopted child?

- The fear of being abandoned again by his new family, as did his biological parents.

- Distrust of adults (who have left them disappointed). We will have to regain their confidence and above all with love and patience, as the child will test everything you can to see if you really care about.
It is in those moments limit where you cannot fail VDs and should continue showing their unconditional love, it does not mean approving all behaviors, but reaffirm their love for him even when they are inappropriate.

- The feeling that nothing lasts, insecurity primarily known for their stability.

The situations of separation, loss and abandonment that will undoubtedly be repeated in varying degrees, throughout his life, will be especially bad for the adopted child lived. Appears particularly sensitive and reluctant to initiate relationships based on trust, until your experiences you go proving otherwise.

Possible ways to talk about adoption

- Do not expect a “moment” to start talking about the origins of the child. The important thing is not to address the issue as if it were a secret, but make it transparent, natural, always speak, teach him or her not born from the womb of his adoptive mother, but that love is immense and unconditional, without depending on who was born.

- Show her pictures of adoption day, sharing memories about how it felt to see him for the first time, how he was dressed, how was the way home, which were to receive their welcome and celebrate.

- It is important to distinguish the date of birth of the date of adoption. Many children are confused by this and may believe that they were born were when adopted, feeling confused by the idea of having two mothers or just knowing that her mother did not have it in the belly, which can produce distorted beliefs about “I do not born like other children , the stork brought me”. It is therefore important to provide clarity, answers, and explanations to their concerns.

- When small they can add to the explanations, storytelling or stories from the animal world, where there are also adoptions.

- One way to be putting together his new story is to show pictures of her adoptive family, genealogy where observe, to ask concerns and feel belonging.

- Is ideal, not deliver too much information at one time and when the child is too young to understand it, because it can cause confusion. It should be a gradual process and according to each stage of development.

- It is also important to think maturely what I want to convey , in case I have a very painful information to know for him or her , so I must ask myself would you be good for my son to know his biological mother tried to abort and it was not ? Would you be good for my son to know that his mother was a teenager who was raped? Chilean law stipulates that adoption is a closed process, which means that the newborn at age 18 can be accessed if desired (and prior preparation) to information about their biological mother, this has many reasons, one of them is that to be of age, the son / daughter may have adopted more mature to face truths that can be difficult to integrate into its history.

- Ideally respect the rhythms of the child, for the development for each is different. Some ask your origin story and details of the adoption several times repeated; others reflect a while and then ask again.

- When you draw your family, the child may be confused what to draw, what group, etc. It is important to talk about the different types of families, the bonds of love and outbreed give clarity of your family you belong to now be able to stay in it, because I would not leave.

- On the other hand, do not victimize the child adopted by her condition; give it special treatment, where he feels welcomed by “compassion” without clear boundaries, can be detrimental to their development.

- Most adopted children ever decide to learn about his past and find his biological family. To anticipate this situation, show that alternative and emotional freedom you have to take it when he grows old, it may be comforting to the child, who may feel betrayed if their parents feel or manifest that concern. – About
What is involved in adopting a child with special needs?

The situation becomes even more complex. Know that you will need to dedicate more time and energy.
These children need special shape, structured and stable families that are very realistic with your expectations, and able to accept the limitations of these children.
Get to know and learn the most about the special problems experienced by the child, so you can help more and better, because you can understand their situation.